A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
