my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize