Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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