i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
