Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
