He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
