found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
