how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
