absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
