How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
