but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
