i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
