i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
