That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
