oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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