The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
