you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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