Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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