my shit smells like andre
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
