maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
