I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
