bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
