Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
