Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
