Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
