how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
