I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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