I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
