Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
