I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
