I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
