I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
