Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
