let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Couch. On fire.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
