You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
