She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
