O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
