Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
