we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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