i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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