This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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