I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
