I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
