All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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