Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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