im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
