How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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