ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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