Already got asked if we're dating
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize