You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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