i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
