I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
