Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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