Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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