I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize