Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
