Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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