thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize