just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
