Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
