your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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