Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
