i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
