Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I could fuck to npr.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
