No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
