is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
