I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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