I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
