question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
