I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
