I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
