We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
