did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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