Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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