She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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