The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
