They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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