once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
