Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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