Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
