I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
