And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
