I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
