I must be too annoying 4 u.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
