Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
