Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
