Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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