I smell stomach acid.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize