I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize