he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
