I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
