Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
