she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
